I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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