Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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