i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
