she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
