Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize