This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
