Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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