His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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