Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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