dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
