so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
