Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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