We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
