you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
