Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
