Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
