Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
