I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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