Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
