so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
