They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
