I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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