At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize