Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
