my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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