I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
