the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
