Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
