Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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