I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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