My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
