i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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