eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
