went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
