I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
