Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
