I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
