I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
