ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
