I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
