he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
