I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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