And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
