its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
