the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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