You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
