while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
