her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
