Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
