Your face is a jimmy john
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
