He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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