i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
