I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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