3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
