maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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