You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
