Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
