how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
