Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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