My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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