dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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