Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
