I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ttyl tear gas
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I wear drunk well.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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