I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
