If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
