We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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