I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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