And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
