did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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