brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize