I met the friendliest cop last night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were trust falling into bushes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize